I’m thinking deeply about love. And I am confused, terribly, what the meaning of it is. Is it the pulsing, captivating attraction that really does leave you breathless and your heart racing as I have experienced for someone before? Or is it possible, eventually, to fall in love with someone who has a really nice personality, but who you are not attracted to initially?
And I think, for a lack of a more accurate word, of how absolutely fucked up it all is. The fact that I held this kind of attraction for this one person, who loves someone else. And the person who loves me, sending me a love poem sincerely – I feel no attraction towards. No matter how “one of a kind” everyone says he is, and I know it myself. And I think to my friend, and when I went sort of undercover, when she liked one of our other friends. And asking him privately, and him confessing, me hating to sugercoat, I delivered the blow that not only does he not think of you as a potential partner but “he said, you’re like his little sister.” That was … ouch. And dealing with my crying friend, the whole of camp, was a lesson I had learnt not to meddle in other people’s affairs.
And I wonder how rare, or common it is, how beautiful it must be for someone people to love simply, and another person to love them, brazenly, just as purely back. For both of them to think they deserve each other. Because as the universal quote, in TPOBAW, goes “We accept the love we think we deserve.” And I have never encountered a more pragmatic, and poignant reason such as that, to why love is so fucked up. And people fall for the wrong people. And sometimes, they fall, and are loved back, by the right people.
Passion is nice. It is exciting, and stimulating. It makes the love “all the more real”. It makes the love “all the more love”. But even though you do not feel attracted to a person immediately, giving them a chance could open a wide array of beautiful possibilities, and intimate close, happy moments. But it can also, if you are sure, there is no attraction absolutely and you cannot picture you and them in a relationship – it can lead to a finished relationship, that’s course has been run through too quickly. A course was not meant to be run through, at all, if even.
I am not sure whether passion fades eventually. I think it does, because I have heard that it does. Passion, and looks, but not heart and soul. But I do not have firsthand experience. Can passion last long? Is passion a good enough reason to be “in love”? Is giving someone a chance, who you are unsure if you can have a future with, a terrible idea? Does it mean fucking with they’re feelings, when you can’t see a future? Or does it mean, allowing them a chance to come into your life, and show you their love?
I think this depends entirely, on the “person” and on the “love”. Please note that in terms of “attraction” and “passion” I do refer to the personality, and the looks, as opposed to just lusting after someone’s looks. There is no right meaning of love, no exact way to fall into love, as one might say. But there is a right feeling.
And you should trust that. Indefinitely.
If spending time with someone with a nice personality makes you feel happy, and you are willing to allow your friendship as a cost of a better future with you and this person – trust it, go for it. If feeling a deep attraction for someone, and you love them with a ferocity you are unsure you were even capable of – trust it, go for it. Whether it is passion, lust or actually love. If it feels right in the moment, you will learn or you will have found true love. Gather the balls, and tell them you really like them.
There is no wrong way, but there are signs that might suggest you forcing yourself to be someone. It’s okay to be single, to figure out yourself, cultivate your hobbies, discover further who you are and your designated passion. Hookups are cool, sweet too. Find what’s best for you at the moment, whether it’s a long-term boyfriend, a friend who might mean more, or even, hell, a possible friend with benefits.
Love is love. There is no restriction, only a right feeling. (Please note, I refer to this generally and love is not love in the exempt of abuse, physical harm, or of someone exploiting and misusing you. Understand your worth and the difference.)
Lots of love